The Jukebox in My Head

Hurry For Relaxing...

2005-10-01T19:31:00.000-05:00

So last weekend was my girl Rachel's baccalaureate party..... All I will say is that it was fun..... I can not give details because well the groom doesn't need to hear any thing from me.

So I hung out with from an old job last night and well many of them got to see me in a new light. We walk for and hour to get to a party that we did not have exact directions for. We spent maybe 20 minutes at the party and then headed back to chill at one of their places.... We drank we danced we smoked we had a good time. We smoke the huka ( sorry if that is misspelled guys). It was fun and a cool experience. I know there are many of you out there that disapprove of smoking. And you know that it is not something I do all the time. Any how thanks guys and thanks for keeping us safe.

Circles Of Friends

2005-07-29T00:12:00.000-05:00

So I have a great number of friends and acutance.... So it SHOULD BE no surprise when circles over lap. This is not a bad thing at all actually it is very nice because it means when you are hanging out with any given group one will most likely know more than one person.

So why should you be so interested in my circles? Are yours not interesting enough?

Summary I know lots of people.

Forgotten Quote

2005-07-16T23:25:00.000-05:00

So I was cleaning up and cleaning out and I found a quote from the Fifth of July from a radio show on 1320 AM radio...I don't remember what time but they were taking about how different towns celebrated the fourth any how the quote was along the lines of 'They don't celebrate the Fourth in Lawrence as they are a socialist city'

Heat Advisory

2005-07-14T16:49:00.000-05:00

Please take a moment to learn from my experience... Heat sickness sucks! I spent yesterday afternoon sick from the heat. It hurts and dry vomiting is not the way to go.

So please remember stay hydrated and limit sun exposure.

Oh what a weekend

2005-07-11T18:47:00.000-05:00

So it has been an interesting weekend. I went to Henry T's on Thursday night just to have a beer.... Rob was supposed to close but he traded shifts to surprise me. So I am sitting at the bar enjoying the atmosphere and I spot him across the bar talking to a regular. Rob decides on his own to join me and we are chatting and having a good time when the gentleman next to Rob buys both he and I another beer. Well that sparks conversation with them and they are just the sweet people well they bought us another round. It was very nice of them. Then on Friday I hung out with my girl Ashley. It was great to catch up with her and hear how Mexico was. Saturday She , Manu, Mahesh, and I ( Sorry If I misspelled your names guys) went and shot pool and then just hung out and talked. And then Yesterday Rob and I celebrated his 24th birthday. He took it fairly well considering how he handles people celebrating him. Also his co-workers didn't get him last night at work. Does it bite having to work on you birthday....

I am bad about blogging lately, sorry

2005-07-07T19:24:00.000-05:00

Oh man oh man where to begin.... Family Reunion went very well I love my family but 100+ of them at one time.... is a bit much. But all survived.... My family loved Rob though they thought he was quiet... Big surprise. Got the brothers home to Houston and they got to Socorro safe and sound. My Parents Came up to Lawrence for a day or two which rocked. Just long enough to really enjoy them and not get sick of them. As a major plus I actually got to spend a bit of time with my daddy on father's day. I love my Daddy.

Work is cool. An enjoyable workplace, though I don't feel very included completely, which is understandable. But I am ready to go "home". Speaking on home I found a great little studio apartment. Which I am so pumped about. 375 all utilities included. Plus I can move my stuff in early as long as I don't stay there until the 1st of August.

Oh and I LOVE Reni's in Wichita when I went to get fitted for Rachel's wedding Reni was really sweet and loving and none of the " you are too fat here and the wrong size here" She was great she had a dress for me to try in the right size!

To all the Wichita people It was a great weekend thanks! It was good to get away and just be. Oh and on the way back I saw what I think to be a very very very crazy thing. There was this person on a cruising( the non-sporty) motorcycle packed down to the gills with a dog in their lap . The dog was in a hideous outfit. Who takes a dog on a motorcycle!

Val Rocks just FYI.

So Does Rob.... Happy birthday on the 10th Baby!

Hi ho hi ho back to work I go

2005-06-02T19:52:00.000-05:00

I am very glad to be at work. The feeling that I am not doing any thing to bring in money to my budget is not one that I like very much at all and glad it was only a few days this time. I feel like I have gone for a real world work place to over the rainbow working at Hilltop. I have to commend them on the happy place that it is. I have been there three days any my greatest frustration has been not having to be interactive with the kids. I am working with a classroom full of 5 year olds and no one has lost their temper, everyone listens for the most part, and it has been a culture shock. I really can not wait until the young lady that I am a para for comes to class that should give me a bit more to do. I have had to go and get caffeine on my break to avoid falling a sleep during nap time. It is fun though, only down side is being paid once a month.

I feel honored

2005-05-25T17:36:00.000-05:00

So this afternoon a mist all of my on-line chores I took the time to Visit my dear friend Mucci's web site http://people.eecs.ku.edu/~nmucci/ ( Yes I know if I loved you all I would have made that a hyperlinks. And it is not that I do not love you all, it is that I am not in the mood to fight with programming today) Anyhow I read that he had updated things and made sure that links were working and such. So I scrolled down to see the links, mine had not been a part of the links and now is and that made me feel really good. Partly because I know feel like one of the cool kids and no longer one of the kids that people hang out with but don't admit to. Also because I really respect Nick( aka Mucci) and I am concerned about our friendship. It kind of feels like it has been falling apart and I don't know what to do or how to fix it. I guess seeing my link gave me a shadow of hope that we are still friends and will be. At any rate I should get back to my on-line chores..... PS I made sure to spell check for you, Nick.

Oh me oh my

2005-05-24T21:30:00.000-05:00

I have come to realize that there are people in my life that I need. Some of these people really don't need me and actually seem to want to distance themselves for me. I guess that is part of growing up.

Anyway can I just say that I hate cleaning but I know I need to do it. So my goal for my few days off is to clean my room and put a bit of order back to my life at home.

Anyhow I made a pair of chandler earrings and wore them today . I got lots of complements on them and I am making my co-workers a pair. I hope she likes them. Well I should get back to my project.

School out for the summer.

2005-05-22T17:58:00.000-05:00

" I reject your reality and substitute my own." - Adam from Myth Busters

So Thursday was the last day of class with the kiddos. I will miss them but I am glad that summer is here.

Can I just say that I feel really happy in where I am in life right now.

It is May already.... Wow

2005-05-08T16:19:00.000-05:00

So I am pretty sure last time I wrote I was in a huff to say the least.... Anyhow this post is a far cry from a huff. So starters Happy Mother's Day. My Mom is a wonderful woman from whom I learned a great many things and she is awesome and I love her very much. I wish I could have been with her today but alas I could not.

Other things new in my life. I finally got my new car. It is a 1996 Volvo GLT black with dark leather interior. IT is a fabulous car and as always has an attitude of its own.

I have decided that I am going to try and pare down my stuff by half. Lord only knows if I will be able to but we shall see. I think this time I will be more successful because I have wonderful people in my life to help me obtain this goal. Oh I also took a job for the summer at Hilltop children's center and in the fall I will be lead teacher for the afternoon program at the children's Community Center. Later on I will post pics of the car and of Rob from his race last weekend. Oh and I meet a charming woman at Rob's race last weekend who emailed us some great photos. I personally liked them far better than the professional photographer's photos.

Happy Birthday Autumn and Emerald. Good Luck on finals Colin and have fun packing.

Reflecting on Monday

2005-04-19T20:14:00.000-05:00

So yesterday was a Zoo at work.... funny thing is that is the unit we are doing in our classroom... So we ended up with three voluntres which were a God send because we had a little girl get sick th two sitting beside here get reactionary sick and one almost get sick...And of couse it was on the carpet. so our carpet play area has been of limits. We were supposed to have a meeting witha mother of one of our special needs kiddos yesterday and she did not show and she called and cancled on us today.... People if you have a specail needs kid show up to the meetings with the school district so they can start niffty services so your kidd can be as close to his peers as possible.

Oh what a time it has been

2005-04-17T19:04:00.000-05:00

So I have been in the middle of a buying a car thing. I hate this and never want to do this again for quite a while. I have been dealing with the ups and downs of life both mine and friends which I don't mind..... It just seems that there are ppl out their that when they hit a down swing they nip at you with reason and then they project and keep nipping. and they want to be a part of grown up advice giversthough they are growing further from the adult side of life them self. you can not protect your friend from all the hurt in the wolrd nor can you always be the one who is right. And just because someone does not point this out to you it does not mean it not true. Sometime keeping the silence is a greater blessing and less pain full.

Anyhow now that I got that all out have a great day. and thank you for your time

Almost forever and a day

2005-03-24T19:51:00.000-06:00

So it has been awhile since I last posted...... any how I would just like to say that while I needed the break from work... Spring break when you don't have anyhwere to go and no work gets boring.

Lent

2005-02-20T20:48:00.000-06:00

So yesterday i went to a wonderful concert with the Ever so awesome Val and her folks. We went to see Steven Curtis Chapman, Chris Tomlim, and . So Val is friends with Steven's Drummer Wil Denton. Will is a superly great guy. He went to lunch with us at the ever so glamourus Winstead's on the plaza. Following lunch we wnet to sound check were not only did Val get to play Wil's awesome drums which are very very pretty, We got to meet Chris and Mark Hall(Casting Crowns). Chris walked up and introduced him self to me which I think was great.... He has a killer smile and as Will said and I have to agree " He is easy on the eyes". We also got to see pictures of Wil's little girls . His girls are so very very pretty.

Good times , Good times

2005-02-08T16:11:00.000-06:00

So last night after a very quick staff meeting last night Nick and I went and bolwed.... I lost to nick the first game won the second and over all had more points. It felt good. Very good. May be that is just my competative edge coming out but it was nice. Anyhow.... Other updates..... I am loving my job again, the new little boy in our class has a great temperment and that is making all the difference in the world. Oh and a funny thing today, all this week we are doing secret valetines at work. Who ever has me is down the hall because they gave my gift today to one of the students to give to me and she told me the lady down the hall say to give this to you. I think it is really cute that she so honest. Any how I am off to frowlick in the snow.....

Nanny Nanny Nanny

2005-01-29T23:30:00.000-06:00

To all of my lovely Longhorn friends..... We are better than you.

Being a part of Media and other class stuff

2005-01-26T16:32:00.000-06:00

So now that my life has mellowed out a bit I can write about the crazy things in my life. For starter I am ubber thankfull that every one made it back safe and sound or at least as sound as when they left.

So I am taking a miriade of classes that diversify me yet make me look like granny. Of course I was told that I am far too young to be a granny I am just gracefully entering the MILF stage of life. I jumped on the band wagon for that but then today in my J101 class the lovey (very young first years) were talking about one of the TA's and how he is old..... at the ripe age of 24 or 25. So that you ladies you are too young to be calling anyone old.... Of course we as a class talked about blogs and their effect on things which mostly was positive. But I watch how very few ppl raise their hands to admit to being bloggers and how eeven fewer were willing to say what they blogged about ( ok so I was one of the none offering few).

Which reminds me IF YOU ARE GOING TO WEAR A BELT BUCKLE MAKE IT COUNT!!!!!!!!!! Remeber the belt buckle to to symbolize how much of a bad @$$ you are. Dinner plate and people get out of your way out of respect and fear. But one the size of peacan..... well you might as well not have it. It is laughable.... I feel sorry for the person who has brought this up because not only does he have the whole size issue but also his face looks painted. Like a doll; not matching his body at all.

any how I am off to eat my dinner of chex mix and then go to lab... I hope it is short. and as also was screw spell check for now.

Run away screaming!

2005-01-20T14:28:00.000-06:00

So I finally got enrolled today.... It sucks not being able to enroll until now. But I also suppose that it is a good thing because it means that I am letting students who really need certin classes first chance right....
Anyhow so I am now going to be taking biology 2 for science majors(kinda could use this), Clinical Psyc, Intn. Marketing Com., and Journalism 101.... So need less to say heaven help me and thank god for being a student.

Snow Days...

2005-01-06T03:35:00.000-06:00

So lawrence has been hit with some nasty winter storms of ice and snow .... The school district I work for has canceled school wednesday and thursday this week. This is kinda a cool concecpt for me because growing up in Houston we never got snow days and every blue moon or too we got an ice day. Lets just say that It has been a nice break and I really don't want to be up at 5:30 am so that I have time to scrape ice off my car but I am getting stir crazy. Today I made pizza, a marshmellow and peanut butter treat, and muffins. If I had peacans there would have been peacan tarts out the wazoo. Tommorrow I am going to cook for scratch aagin and lord know what but I need to get out of the house before I become hostile.

Any how I hope every one is safe and being smart...... I am . I know southern girls should not drive in this weather..... Man do I miss my old roommate... She was a pro at winter driving and I was the rain pro driver... between the two of us we could drive in just about any weather.... The funny thing is she is in Texas these days in the Air Force... I am very proud of her and miss her dearly.

Hello 2005

2005-01-02T20:15:00.000-06:00

So I have started the new year off right.... by cleaning. This my seem odd but I think starting off with a clean room is the was to go....I also set goals which we shall see how long they last. I don't believe that I will post them. But I have about 5-6 things I want to improve in my life this year.

You know I wish a person could love someone and never hurt anyone else in the process.

A cute Holiday story

2004-12-27T13:51:00.000-06:00

So I have cusins that are twins they are very cute and sweet. Well one of them asked for a bear for christmas... Well the other was caught putting a bear under the christmas tree on the 24th just incase Santa did not come. How cute is that... And what a statement to where they had been naughty or nice. And what a good sister.

Hurray for home

2004-12-24T15:34:00.000-06:00

So I drove down to H-town on tuesday and while the drive was mostly uneventful there were two things the stuck. First was a lincence plate from MO..... EVL TXN...... I wonder if that plate is still available for Kansas..... My other Idea is SIN TAX thanks to the little bro.... Any how the other thing that stuck was in Oklahoma there was an F 250 extended bed crew cab desiel with a very rugged manly driver that had a very pretty painted cow bell hanging off the trailer hitch. Until I passed the truck I was thinking how nice it was that the female owner had soften the ruggedness of her trunk....and then I passed Him and was just left pondering. Oh and I think I passed a a flaming pair of JOCO MOFOS they were drining a blue mini van with matching trailer and vanity plates one both the van and trailor.

Anyhow since being home I have hung out with my little brothers. Cloin and I have really had the chance to talk which is nice. I told him , he need to do some Mickey sytle romance and take his lady friend( who is not talking to him at the momnet) some hot herbal tea and honey and tell her " I figured you had a sore throat so I brought you some tea so you can tell me how I screwed up" . This is termed Mickey( as in my daddy) romance because my mom in college had moved and did not tell my dad , kinda her way of saying we are done, and six weeks later my dad knocked on her door" you forgot to tell me you moved".

Yesterday I spent about twelve hours volunteering for the elves and more Elves and More orginization loading bikes into a truck to go out to impovorished neighborhoods. it wa a great way to spend twelve hours... but my arms are sore. Steel bikes are heavy even 16" ones.

Happy Holidays

2004-12-20T23:00:00.000-06:00

For starter I would just liek to say Happy Holidays, which ever you celibrate.

Ok time for a little holiday soap box..... For all of those who are upset by the onset of every thing changing from Merry Christmas to seasons greats and happy holidays in non-red and green... Get over it... We are becoming a more culturally acsepting public... Beside think about the Actual Holiday of Christmas... The whole reason it is celebrated on the 25th of Dec is because way back when it was a way to take an awesome pagan party and turn it into a religous holiday... so in a way Christmas is actually going back to it roots of a pagan party.... Personally I think they put the wrong holiday on the pagan holiday... Mardi Gradi should start of the pagan party holiday and lets move Christmas back to the spring when it actually happened...

End soap box....

Anyhow I am totally pumped to be heading home to see my family. I have not seen them since May and man oh man I miss them. I can not tellyou how much I am looking forward to pulling into the drive way tommorrow night and to walk in the house and be greeted by the dogs and my family. I am even looking forward to the foam block or the couch I will be sleeping on for the next week. and to have puppies a bed buddies...man oh man Though I am not looking forward to the drama that will happen...but I will take that in stride because there is nothing I can do about it and I will shake it off ... I am happy where I am in my life... I feel stronger than before and ready to get recharged by family .

At any rate happy holidays and for those who are traveling travel safe.

Thanksgiving break....

2004-11-26T09:00:00.000-06:00

SO for thanksgiving break I hoped into the car with Nick and went to good ol' Chi-town. As for the drive all I can say is my cell phone became justified, NO ONE SHOULD EVER GET BEHIND THE WHEEL IF YOU ARE TIRED, DRUGED, OR IN ANY SORT OF BRACE ON YOUR LEG(S). Any how we got to Nick's house about midnight on tues. night I got to meet his mother , father and brother. They are very very nice people. Bob was also there to greet us... I had heard a rumor that when I arrived that they would be wear hats , but alas they were not.

On wednessday I got up and went with nick's Mom to that peter to the senior breakfast thing he had to go to and then she gave me a quick tour of the area. It is a very pretty area. After we got back we had breakfast and chated which was very nice to get to know Nick's mom. She had orginally wanted to be a doctor so see was very supportive of the idea of me going to grad school and then eventually going back and either getting my md or pdh in bio mech enrg. I know this sounds silly but sitting there with her and getting to know her I felt like I had passed a test. After nick got up around 11am he and I went and ran errands for his mom and he gave me a better tour of the area. Though he was bummed to know that I had seen parts of it already thanks to his mother. but none the less it was still cool. After errand we went to pick up Thea, his great aunt. So then Nick , his mom, Thea and I went to lunch in evanston at Joy Yee Noodle. i have to admit the food was very deserving of all Nick's praise. After ward we discovery that the battery was dead in the car... After spending tiem in the car the four of us getting loopy and playing several rounds of hang man....Three letter movies killed us. We went and were smart and sat in the chocolate shop and had hot coco. Very very yummy coco. After the tow truck came we headed out to autozone to get a new battery for the car and while nick and his mom did that i sat in the car with Thea and got to know her... She is a marvelous women a great role model. She is 80 does not look it nor does act it. I think she could out run a hyperactive four year old.

Thursaday Nick took me to my great Aunt Betty and Uncle Francis's house for thanksgiving dinner... For starter I have not seen this side of the family in years, but they all knew who I was.... I was lost. But it was really great to get to know everyone and see my "cousins"( The all were seconds and once removeds and stuff like that but cousins none the less) and their kids which made me feel young since I am the second grandkid on my mom's side. needles to say is was great to see them.

Oh and a huge thank you to my uncle Joe Joe and his family who gave me a digital cammera for graduation. It is really neat and makes me excited.

After leaving Franc and Betty's I went with Joe and Beth, dropped off their kids and then they took me on a driving tour of Chi-Town.... It is a beautiful city. I got to see the marshal fields hoilday windows which are themed after snow white this year. I really think I am going to have to look into Northwestern now for gradschool.

anyhow thus far to day i have just been haging out with my cousins Carolyn, who is so preety and looks just like her mother, and Nicolas who looks just like his older brother Anthony did last time I saw him. Anthony has grown up to look like his fater did, though taller. Watch out world there are too more hansome Italian boys growing up.

Oh and cool family history... I learned that my great grandFather Paneral change the family name from Panerlli to Paneral not because of WWII like I had been told but because he was working in Ciecro and he did not want the Italian mob to contact him. Sad family history is that last year in august the city knocked down my great grandparents house in Ciecro. Anyhow later today we are going to go roam around the city amd millenium park.

Catch up

2004-11-26T08:54:00.000-06:00

So I know I have not posted since my birthday but a quick catch up to now.

On oct 29th a group of friends and I went and made smore which was a blast, learned Rod Jeremy has a 9.75 long member, and well that you are not supposed to be in the State side of clinton park past 10pm if you are not camping... Thank goodness the officers did not see our beer. As for my birthday big thank you's to Rob and Nick who kept me company.

Since my birthday things have been flying by with school and work.... Lots of work to be done before the end of the semester.

The program loves me! It really loves me!

2004-10-27T15:05:00.000-05:00

So I just got my 138 program to work properly! I feel like the queen of the world! Because a) the program worked.. and did so correctly b)I did it with very little help
c) I still don't understand constructors.

Anyhow in other news Bob is in town which is fun... Friday night smores out at Clinton... It is wednesday and my week is almost done... well half way like every one else's ... Feeling loved... Made plans with my fam in chi-town to see then over thanksgiving break... and saturday I will be a year older... and went to the pumpkin patch this past weekend with Val!

Now the question becomes do I go to my 128 class late or just chill until 138? I think I will chill.... :)

Oh and my co-worker Ms. Easter rocks the house! She is so super positive and wonderfully grandmotherly. She is a blessing to have in the class room.

Life.. as we know it

2004-10-26T16:49:00.000-05:00

So several realization... For starters there are two type of female friends secure and insecure... Insure will ripe each other down... say when one has been hit of and claims to be say a "hot piece of ass".. the other than ripes the first apart...i itness two girls on the bus doing this today and it made me sick....

hen there are the secure firends that can build each other up when one gets hit on. I think the secure is sooo not healthier

So in child psyc we were talking about how ppl need comfort before falling a sleep and what some ppl's "Linus blankets" where... which brings up the away quote I have been using"Sleeping alone, except under doctor's orders, does much harm. Children will tell you how lonely it is sleeping alone. If possible, you should always sleep with someone you love. You both recharge your mutual batteries free of charge.
--Marlene Dietrich, 1962"

Oh do i think this is true...anyhow I am trying to figure out wht my linus blanket is....

anyhow I had something eles I was going to post but I can't remeber now so oh well chio

Life on the "rebound"?

2004-10-21T13:49:00.000-05:00

So lots has been going on in life... Like it took Rob and I breaking up to start talking and showing each other that we care about each other. Which caused me to wake up very confused.

We took our class to the pumpkin patch and man oh man did the kidos were me out but it was fun to see all out the get super excited about picking a pumpkin out. They all had very different ideas about what the perfect pumpkin was and the vines kept tripping them. Thank goodness the kida got small pupmkins that were fairly resistant to breaking I think every pumpkin was dropped like 7-20 times and none broke thank goodness.

Classes have been a wild ride I have a test in every class this week ... three today. Which will be fun and I am sure that I will be fairly brain dead after all is said and done.

In other news ran into an old acuatance that did a bang up job of hitting on me while tripping our every word and step... It was like he was trying not but to all at the same time and his attempts at being covert were not working. Poor guy.

I think I am going to go back to the pumpkin patch this weekend and get a pumpkin for the apt and one for the class room. And I really miss him. As sad as that is more than anything I really would like a hug from him. Not that hugs from everyone else are not great but I really could use a hug from him because saddly enough I still feel protected in his arms more than my other guy friends. May be if I cut my hair I could get this out of my system.... And I know several of my guy friend are going "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" as they read that I want to cut my hair. But really I need a change or a rebound guy though I don't want a rebound guy. I want my prince charming.

This is awful to say but I don't want to be left behind by all my close female friends, I have a hard enough time keeping up with them. All of them have their man the one that they are goign to marry in the next five years. I want to be amoung that list. I want to know that in five years I am going to have a husband to come home to. Who will be there in bed beside me. I want kids, not in the next five years but the next 10. It is so hard to sit in child psyc and the read the text because it just illicts the longing for a family of my own. I hate to disappoint all of my female friends that are still single and happy with that, but I want to settle soon. So I guess I should be keeping my eyes open at grad school.....because it don't look like Kansas has my prince charming which is a shame. because I thought he was.

horoscopes

2004-10-17T16:39:00.000-05:00

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
Watch a sudden impulse to be extravagant today. Too much boredom may make your mind wander into dangerous fields. Try to keep as busy as is comfortable for you. You don't want to overdo it. Watch out, or you may start to rationalize expenditures that you wouldn't normally consider. If visions of buying fancy household appliances start taking over your thoughts today, spend a little more time taking care of actual housework.

Wow how true.....

Hottest Toys

2004-10-17T08:47:00.000-05:00

So Once again up way too earliy on the weekend.... I went web surfing and came across the Hotest toy list ( http://money.cnn.com/pf/features/popups/hot_toys04/frameset.1.exclude.html ) And you know there was the baribe, Cabbagepatch Kids 80's style,and Ms. Packman. All things of my day....Ofcourse the babire was a princes version that did not exist when i was little though i am not sure any of the "normal" barbies i playied with are the still one the self. And the Ms. Pckman is one of the little plug it into the tv kind with a couple of other games on it, not an old school atari. But the cabagepacth kids semed to be the same. Hurray for old school toys being an in item this year. Now hopefully we will not be having the same issues as before liek roiting moms and dads. I was lucky back when the cabage patch kids came out my great aunt was working at Toys'r'us and the policy back then was employees could buy one when they first got to the store... well my great aunt bought red headed girl and gave her to me. I still have starcarlota, she has stiches across her belly back and one of her knees, her hair is now in a single ponytail not braids thanks to cory, such a darling little brother

It is weird to be thinking about christmas and toys and litlle kids.... Any how I should take avantage of it being earliy and head out to the laundry mat and gett clothing cleaned.

Oh what a week

2004-10-16T22:31:00.000-05:00

So the week started off rocking Saw Ari Hest perform both at Borders( got his cd and autograph) and at the Bottleneck. Man oh man can that boy sing. It felt good to go out and hear live music. on the spur of the moment.

That was the highlight of the week.

Lowlight was Rob and I breaking up..... Broken and bruised hearts suck. but I will be ok because I have awesome friends. And a loving family.

Anyhow I have the chance to talk to some old friends tonight. Man do I miss my H-town peeps... There are some wonderful ppl and I am glad that they all are doing so well.

Homecoming Week

2004-10-11T01:20:00.000-05:00

So this past week was homecoming.... Of course nothing like the fun and excitement of High School homecoming but nothing really can compete with homecomming mums...... But this homecoming came close.

For starters on Tuesday evening I saw Bill Cosby preform live. Now I grew up on Bill Cosby and to see him preform I feel like I am a more complete person. And It was even more awesome because i say it with Monica and Mucci who both very much respect him.

Other awesome stuff that happend some girl on the bus ran after me to give me my keys which fell out of my pocket on friday. And I finnished my lab in 138 all by myself in class. I saw Monica twice. We went clubin' together on friday night and had a good time.

I just have to say that I really really respect and love Monica. She will be headed off to the Air Force here in a few days. So if you all could please keep her in your prayers and kind thoughts.... because with that girl in the Air Force our country is safer.

Also Ku beat K-state in Football. 31-28. Needless to say down came the goalposts. It was every every neat to watch. Oh and very cool to watch the army people parashute down on to the field.

Other neat things .... Flirty moment with Rob... He sent me a shot from across the bar at t's on Saturday night and then came to join me. I felt very special kinda like he was picking me up even though it was pretty much assumed that we would meet up at some point.

Also Nick openign up and letting me know that i had not done something to push him away but rather that there was a great deal on him plate and that he was not actively trying to push me away.

So that pretty much sumerizes my past week .... sleep well all.

Rock to Vote

2004-09-29T14:58:00.000-05:00

So I work at a head start location and this morning walking into the building there was a table set up with an old woman and man sitting behind it registiring people to vote. HOw awesome is that?!? I mean I think it rock that they are coming out to get people registar to vote. So these Parents have no excuse if they are able to registar then they should be. I am very proud of those people.

Another props goes out to the doctor that perscribed me meds to make me feel better. I tell you it is amazing the difference beforre the breathing treatment and after. I feel soo much better. Though the doc was kinda upset that I waited so long to come in because with persistant coughs you irritate and cause inflamantion to the trachea. So I am on drugs for that too and need to keep my throat wet.

Anyhow I think I am going to go work on my eecs stuff now.

To own a bed!

2004-09-25T21:15:00.000-05:00

So this has been a big week for me. I have done lots of grown up things like buy a bed, chairs for my dining table..... These are the big two things that I have done. I know some people may think that they are kinda foolish and trivial but I have felt like I am more human and less college student. Which is an important step for me. I thought for a while that this grown up feeling would never come, but it has and it makes me feel like I am ready to start heading toward graduate school. Along with making me happy. I mean the feeling of sleeping in an actual bed is so wonderful after a year of an air mattress and futon. I tell you it is bliss and I sleep sooo well and feel so increably sexy. All because I sleep on a real bed.

Anyway as for today I went shopping with my friend Anita. She and I go back a long long way and it was soooooooo great to hang out with her. We did the girlie thing of go out to the mall and shop.... and oh did we shop. Candles, earrings, necklaces, and bras were our main purchases.

I have to wonder though about the chick at victoria's secret that "fitted" me. For starters she told me I was a 46 DD. Which is complete bull. But when she told me that I wanted to cry. I mean I love my breasts but they are not that big even on a really really great day. They are 38/40 D. Any how I think I tryied on one of every bra in the store which it was great to hand off all of the none desired to the chick in the dressing room. and just see her get that face of oh man. But it was worth it to get the awesome bras that I bought. Hopefully Rob will stop making fun of my bras now.

And in light of the whole bra shopping adventure My roommate sent me the following:

What Religion is Your Bra?



A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to

the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."



"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.



"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"



Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape,

 size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety,

there are really only four types of bras to choose from."



Relieved, the man asked about the types.



The saleslady replied "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the

Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?



Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between

them. The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple... The

Catholic type supports the masses.The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist makes

mountains out of mole hills."



Bra Sizes Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the

letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't

figure out what the  letters stood for, it is about time you became

informed!



(A} Almost Boobs...

{B} Barely there.

(C}Can't Complain

{D} Dang!

{DD} Double dang!

{E} Enormous!

(F} Fake.

(G} Get a Reduction.

{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

The poem as promised

2004-09-14T21:35:00.000-05:00

I AM

I am a conglomeration of unlike things, highlighted with abstract rays of Hope.

I wonder why we loose sight of the simple pleasures

I hear melodies in the rain

I see purple skies with silver clouds crying powdery white snow on my life

I want peace and understanding

I pretend to be stronger than I am

I feel like a little girl lost in the choas of everyday life looking for the simple pleasures

I touch the sky just to see it ripple

I worry my sanity

I cry when the negatives out weigh the positives

I understand my need for friendship

I say normal is a collection of abstract and offbeat events

I dream of independence from home and reliance on love

I try to keep my head above the swellings life batters me with

I hope for forgiveness for my faults, weaknesses and sins.

I am a conglomeration of unlike things, highlighted with abstract rays of Hope.

Oh heaven help me

2004-09-09T19:45:00.000-05:00

So lot has happened over the holiday weekend...... in short I got myself into trouble. That is the short and only version I am going to talk about at the moment.

So I was picking up and unpacking things and I came across a poem I wrote as a junior in high school. I sat down and read it and thought. I thought about how much has changed about me but yet so much of my core is still very much the same as all those years ago. ( I will post a revised version later... currently I am over at Mucci's) It was very warm and friendly to read and remeber who I am.

Oh So I have to share my neat story of a random stranger and kindness. So I went to dinner with my friend linda last night. Well when we were done I took our bill and our cash to the register. There was a men about the age of my parents. When I walked up the man asked if I was going to cover his too. I told him I would but unfortenatly I am on a college student budgetand could not afford to do so. He smile very kindly and asked to see my bill. He handed to the girl at the register and told her to add it to his. The girl who was working was just as in a state of disbelief as I was . I asked if his was sure and he said yes. I thanked him repeatedly and he told me to make sure I left a tip , which we already had and to keep my grades up. I walked out of the restraunt in a state of awe. It was very very kind of that man to pay for my meal and my friend's. I felt very luck and blessed.

And last night after a very long talkwith mucci I felt ok like i could still get up and over the montain of trouble I went light speed into.

Oh and on a happy note I got a package from my parents.... a happy one it had my grad present from my aunts. It is a gourgous gold engraved oval bangle braclet.
ther was also one of those tea pot and cup combos, hurricane mix( When the next storm hits the US , Poor FL, who is up for a hurricane party?) and other random parent things Oh and Rob's birthday persent....finally. only ummm let seetwo months late. any how I am off to conquer the world so every body please just turn over your countries and put in your request for which ones you would like to rule.

Hurray for three day weekends!

2004-09-03T13:04:00.000-05:00

"I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." -Douglas Adams

So I am very very very super thankful that this weekend is a three day type. It has just bee one of those weeks were you live for 5pm on friday because once that time hits you are free of commitments. Sure you still have the todo list of things but no where you HAVE to be.

Any how I have another hurray and that is for cute phone calls that there whole purpose is to say I am lonely please come over. Those are always a very nice treat. And I have to say proving company last night was worth it for all of the laughs I got. Sorry I can't share what I was laughing about.

Oh I also got another fun quote yesterday...." It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day to day basis."-Margaret Bonnano

How true is that statement? I mean wow make the reality the yes you can be the princess any thign you want!

Any how I should be off to class....... Hopefully I will be able to log in for my eecs classes. That would be great!

Yeah classes

2004-08-27T15:12:00.002-05:00

So I am currently listen to a lecture and blogging..... Hurray for supid classes and multitasking. So I am taking EECS 128 and 138. Currnetly in 128, and well "learning how to use word"..... School is great. Any how Class is almost over and thus far I have check my schedule, email, read the paper, and currently blogging....

Yeah classes

2004-08-27T15:12:00.001-05:00

Yeah classes

2004-08-27T15:12:00.000-05:00

Chick Flicks

2004-08-23T19:54:00.000-05:00

So now that I have my lovely own place, I can watch chick flicks when ever. So MEA and I rented the Prince and ME, welcome to mooseport and something else we have yet to watch. Any how while watching a chick flick a girl tends to feel the warm and fuzzies and long for the real life emotions. Last night I watched the chick flicks and I realized that I have those awesome feeling in real life. I have an awesome boyfriend who I love. And yes I have some of those gut wrenching moments with him but so far things always work out. And that gives me faith and strength. Rob is my knight, my prince and really great guy that I was lucky enough to get to know and come so close. My life is a better place because of him.

I got a job!....And it is offering me benefits!!!!

2004-08-19T21:26:00.000-05:00

So I have been hire as a paraeducator by the Lawrence schools to help in the headstart program. Which is really neat, today was my first day and way cool and kinda scary to just thrown in the mix. But the kids all seem really sweet though we have lots of criers. But at three-four years old who didn't cry from time to time? Anyhow it will be really something tomorrow going though all of the paper work.... eep.

But after that shot gun bang start to the day I headed up to campus o get all of that crap settled.... It took so long to get every thing done that I missed the two classes I had yet to enroll in that are tues thurs.... I am going to try super hard to get all my paper work done quickly so that I can make it to the class I need to beg to get into tomorrow. Oh the life of a student..... I have missed being on campus with every one. Any how Thursday night tradition holds.... The group will be at Henry T's at ten pm with the possibility that an oldie but goodie will appear on his way to the great north for school.... I will let you know if he shows.

Women's Health

2004-08-16T00:50:00.000-05:00

Fair warning this post is about women's health issues so if that makes you uncomfortable just come back another time.

So I hate the yearly check up, I have yet to meet a woman who is excited about her yearly. But I think my dread for the yearly is more of the abnormal results I am bound to get. ( Yes yet again abnormal) And you have to love the men in your life who try and be supportive like they do with every other issue..... But this is not every other issue this is WOMEN's HEALTH. So seeing how men lack a uterus they are not allowed to relate the same.... Don't compare any of your past health issues to a women's health issue. It does not work. Because our uterus is what lets of grow a little human in us.

I think why this is soooooo touchy to me is because of the thought of growing a little human in me. For as much as I say I don't want kids, I have this dream that I have a little girl half my genes half her dad's. She crawls up in my lap and I can look at her and see which features she got from me and which are from her dad. She calls me mommy and it sets my heart a glow. I want that feeling; I want to look at my child(ern) and see half me and half daddy. And with every abnormal result I get I know that seeing a little person half me half dad becomes something that may not happen. And I guess that leaves me wondering would/could a man marry me knowing that we never could have a little person half him half me. So many of the men in my life have said that if they knew a woman could not bare children they would not even begin to think of marrying her. I want to be married and have a family with at least one child half me half dad.

So please don't try and compare. Just hold me and let me cry if I need to cry.

Happy Birthday to Nick Mucci

2004-08-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday Nick. I hope your 21st birthday is a wonderful day for you. I hope and pray that all is well for you. Know that you are very much loved. (and missed) So party it up.... You now can be sent out to go get wine all on your own.

All grown up.....kinda

2004-08-14T19:44:00.000-05:00

So Mea and I went and looked at the last available up stairs apt in the complex we are going to rent from.... For starters the previous renter had a dog there illegally. So the carpet was gross to say the least, plus a door frame was mostly removed, there was a hole in one of the bedroom doors, and there were two industrial hooks in the ceiling like the kind one would hang a sex swing from or a 300 lbs bag, broken light fixtures... It was in bad shape. They had talked about having us sign the lease today which was a major no, since there was a clause about accepting the apt as is at time of signing. Mea and I would have started the search all over if the choice was the apt as is or start over. Any how we are going to see about getting the first one we looked at or waiting to see what all they are going to do about the other place.

But since we know our move in date, we went and got juice stop then went down to everything but ice to look at tables since there is a definite dining room area. There was a gentle men who was showing us all of the tables they had in stock and well he made us a deal that we knew no one could bet.... A full size table tile center for $50, because two of the tiles are cracked. It is pine trim on the top white tile and white legs. It is super sharp kind country. But awesome deal. The real trick to the table was fitting it into one of our cars.... Mea's saab was being a pill and not opening at the trunk... finally fit it into my car..... Both front seats all the way back and reclined. It was quiet an adventure. The funny thing is we will probably spend more on chairs than the table. But none the less I now have my first piece of quality furniture..... I feel grown up.

Never say Never

2004-08-13T00:02:00.000-05:00

Ok so I said I was done working with the disabled population for a while right..... well I have interveiws to be a para the Lawrence school district in the morning. But on the up shot this would be in a school with a conistant schedule and disapline plan...... Plus it would be a job, which would be a really good thing to have.

Any how beside I went to target this evening and found two pairs of shoes for less than $6.50 total. I got some plain jane ked like tennies and a pair of black heels that aren't too dress more casual, but they are comfy. I also bought one of thoughs sweater shalws that are so popular. I also bought a planner which is proving to be a realy great thing as I am trying to get my act together.

Mea and I found a realy cute place in North West Lawrence so on saturay we will choose if we want to be upstairs or down stairs. Both have there ups and downs. hehehe. Funny huh?

So life has been good to me just lately. The other night went to Mea's rent's house and had inner and stayed the night. It was cool to stay up and talk to her mom. Because we had some mother daughter talks that are best had between non-related mothers and daughters. Which was nice.

Got to take Mea's sister Meri to get her tattoo. It was cool to have a big sis little sis moment with her. Funny thing is I have not seen her tat yet. I decided not to even stand in the door way while it was begin done. The place we went to was super professional. Of course Meri forgot to get the name of the guy who did her tat. She was really excited about it both before and after which rocks. Definatly has set thing in motion in my head about getting one but only time will tell.

Things with Rob and I are good. I bought a helment(cycling) so in theory I can ride with him..... one of these days I should be able to ride at his pace....maybe. Anyhow I have yet to go out riding with him. Today he went out by himself because we need space from each other. life leason if I ever live with a boyfriend it needs to be a one bedroom atleast definatly not a studio.

Other than that I am thinking about chopping off my hair and a new color. Anyhow I should go get some sleep so I look rested for the interveiws.

Sometimes I realize how much I have grown up ....

2004-08-07T00:53:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I realize how much I have grown up and others I realize I am just a kid n a grown woman's body. Friday was a grown up moment.... I looked at apts aild insurance stuff off, bought a wedding gift, Met up with Meggie for dinner and doing drive by's..... Not the shooting type but the is this someplace we could live based on the exterior... and then went and met my guy friend for a drink and dessert. For starters by wedding gifts..... yuck! Ok given I waited untill near the last moment to go get the gift... wedding is at 10:30m. But still staring down kithen, bathroom, and bedroom things was well a bit over whelming, espeacilly since I know this the start of a huge wave of weddings.

Any how Drinks was another very grown up moment.... Drinking a beer eating dessert with my guy friend discussing all the craz things around us. And him telling me if only I was not attached he would invite me over to stay the night. But he knew that Rob was the best guy out there for me(as far as he could see, I agree). He also told me that if that ever changed he was willing to be a shoulder to cry on and/or a rebound.

Any how Rob just got back so I am oing to go pay him attention and head to bed.

Oh Congrats to Andrea and James.

After Taking a Deep Breath

2004-08-05T23:47:00.000-05:00

So I recieved a phone call this evening that made me feel so muc better. My friend who in a state of emotional upset aired dirty laundry in public called to aplogize for it and explain where he was at and that he had intended on removing the post from public veiw the day after posting but just hadn't gotten to it. I of course accepted his appology and was very very happy to have heard from him. And as we talked I realized that he and I were more alike than I had thought. When we get upset we write, the diffence is I write in my "old-school" journal first all of the upset first and then if I am still upset I urn to the blog or if I need support. And then I thought about it. Blogs are journals they are just kinda left open to be read unlike the old school ones that some one has to seek out to read your inner thoughts.

At any rate I feel soo much better because I have my friend back. A friend the means so much to me he makes my world a better place. To him thank you for being human. And I am sorry for any hurt I have caused you.

The wonders of a trip

2004-08-05T19:43:00.000-05:00

So I got back yesterday afternoon from FL..... The longest two weeks of my life, so far. To sum up the trip went to Orlando did the whole Universal Studios thing with Tim.... I like the whole wheelchair pass thing; make the park do able in a day. Went and did Zoo camp with Tim..... Got my shoulder dislocated....It is feeling better though I still can not lift a 15 pounds with my right arm yet After we did Zoo Camp I have been busy keeping Tim and Elliott out of trouble. A very exhausting thing. I would dare compare it to being like a new mother... When they sleep, you sleep.

A great deal of things have happened while I have been gone on this trip. I have learned a lot about people and how some deal with business between friends. and I have learned who I would go into business with and who I would not. Which unfortunately cause hurt amongst people and has left me in a hard place. And has lead to dirty laundry being aired in "public" which hurts but none the less I intend one keeping the dirty laundry I hold in private. Much like this past winter the phase that drove me nuts was "yet" ; I have heard the saying" Have a nice life" So many times this summer and sadly enough a few times have been from "friends".

Any how things with the BF are great, I will spare the details.

arg...

2004-07-18T00:13:00.000-05:00

So I have been in a blah mood for most of the day and it sucks. I also have been doing the self doubting bit all day too. So here goes my rant it is not really directed to anyone.

Where do I stand in your life? Do you not understand I am dreading my work for more reasons than I share? Do you understand that I need to hear things like you are wonderful, I love you, and I miss you? I get jealous of things, real jobs where you don't have to worry about being molested by a teen, where I don't have to relive and face demons from the past, where I don't wish to cause bodily harm to another? I hate packing. I miss the dalmations. I want a pet to love and to make me feel loved. I feel abandond. I just want to get plasterd. I am craving a cig but I don't want you to know I have been smoking and thanks to the smoke ban here in larryville there is no letting the blame fall onto the crowd. I am lonely. I feel used. I feel like an object. I want you to fix that and at the same time I don't want you to fix it. I am scared to fully open up. I need people around me. I miss my high school friends because we made each other feel needed and smart. I wonder if I am news worthy or if I will fade from sight with no sign I was every here. what do I mean to you? Are we something or just convence? Why do we hide our past? Are we scared the other will run away? Do you want to run? Are you glad I will be gone for 3 weeks? Do you love me? are you scared to tell me? I hate this inbetween stage of life. I want so much more out of life; I feel like I do more dying than living. I need people. You make me feel fat and unpretty. Just smile at me. Let me cry . Please hold me. I hate feeling like the only way you will pay attention to me is for you to catching me writting or crying. I miss dancing sooooo much I want to runaway to my gothcowboy just to go out and dance. I get uneasy when you come home late.... do you open the door and wish that I am not there? Will you forget me in 3 days? Would you be willing to move for me? Do you think marrage is the celibration of a man lossing his freedom? Will someone every love me enough to marry me? Why am I sooo scared of snakes and sharks? why won't the night mares stop? please make them stop.

I need to stop now and because this is an emothional rant I am saying f*** spell check. Night

These Crazy summer Days

2004-07-12T15:17:00.000-05:00

So The song stuck on repeat in my head has been " Save a Horse, Ride a cowboy" Which is a fun summery song....

Any how Things are coming down to the wire for me in a weeks time I will be in FL for work..... Which I am still on the fence about, I just don't like the Idea of beening soooo far away from my support system....And so close to Rob's mother's House. But in the process of getting from A to B my car battery decided to die. Lucky me. Thank goodness I have learned the skill of jumping cars. Because the first time I got my car jumped was at my apt complex by a guy who had no clue how to jump a car nor had cables... I have two sets of cables in my car.... Don't ask why.... Second time was better. So I went to go get a new battery for my car... well I talked to my dad in the process and found out that My parents pretty much lived together for 3 yrs before marrage not the one year my mother told me. Which is one more comfort in my bag when my mother gets on my case about my relationship with Rob.... :)

Oh And super happy news MEA got the job in Topeka which means I have another roommate ! And a female one to boot!

Well off to work!...

I hate being jumpy

2004-06-14T19:24:00.000-05:00

So last night Rob and I Went for a late night walk on the bike trail. It was great other than it proved how awful my night vision is..... And that I am easily startled....Even by fireflies...(thanks Nick) We came to a part of the path that had a ton of fireflies Rob made a joke that we were screwed if they whirlwhips. I got jumpy and we turned back.... And walked rather quickly. When we got back to the car Rob told me that he would never take me out there during the day because snakes sun them selves on the path. He also told me that he wanted to startle me but he did not because he was not sure which way I would run and what wild creature would scare me. He also expressed the idea of camping and how we would have to work on it......

He also half under his breath said something to the extent that he felt this was another thing he tried to share with me that failed.

I am not sure what I was supposed to make of that comment. I feel bad that I am that jumpy and that Rob feels like things he wants to do with me fail. I am urban....He saw where I grew up... There is nothing country about the area.

Romance on the Fly

2004-06-13T19:40:00.000-05:00

So things are great in my love life I have a guy who is willing to be romantic on the fly. Last night while watching Bridget Jones Diary at Rob's, I got a craving for strawberries and chocolate.... So off we went to the store to pick up strawberries and chocolate.... We get back and Rob starts melting chocolate..... We made chocolate covered strawberries and pretzels... and then while we lay in bed talking we feed each other a plate of the strawberries.... It was very yummy and romantic. I tell you my going to Florida for three weeks with work is going to be the hardest thing...

Rob has been full of wonderful lines just lately like.... You need to stop being so damn attractive.

Survived

2004-06-03T16:47:00.000-05:00

So this past week I with Rob went on the wirlwind tour of nine states in five and a half days. Last thursday Rob and I loaded up and headed to Houston.... Where we hung out, did my little brother's graduation, Drinks with Christie and AJ (I love seeing one of my best friend's so happy) then headed out to Alabama to meet Rob's Mom. We left for home on Tuesday and got back mid day wednesday. It was an amazing trip where I learned a great deal about my self, my family( I love you, Daddy!) and Rob.

We started in Kansas,Picniced in Oklahoma, alsorts of crazyness in Texas, Drove through Louisiana, To seeing shows at a casino in Mississippi, to the beach in Alabama, just visited Florida, Slept in Arkansas, continued home through Misouri and got home safe and sound.

2004-05-26T15:31:00.000-05:00

So last night I went with Rob and Nick to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. There is a very scary trend in the movies Rob and I end up seeing together.... Some one trys or does to forget the other. Needless to say Eternal Sun shine was a really great movie. It was a great way to end a rather crazy day. Nick and I had gone to lunch and house hunting. Then finnished packing him up and moving him into storage then went to dinner at the Blind Tiger. It was a very swanky place.

And we...well I am off and posting

2004-05-25T21:25:00.000-05:00

SO I have desided to move on over to blogger from my last web journaling program..... What this means is I should in theory be posting a lot more....any how time to set the rest of it up